One thing. Forever.

"I'm sorry, I know you're just a child and this is a big decision but you have to choose. Sure, it'd be nice to grow up like a normal kid and play with others but you could be in McCain juice box commercials like Elvis for fuck's sake. It's 5AM, now go grab your skates and Superfries and meet me in the Windstar. We're going to the Sportsplex. Forever."